Questions & Answers For Singles|
Getting into the lifestyle is easy for single females but not as easy for single males. You will have hundreds of questions that deserve honest answers. The better informed you are about the lifestyle as a single, the more fun you will have in the lifestyle and hopefully help you to avoid common mistakes. The majority of couples and singles in the lifestyle are honest, hard working people with families. But in any organization you have a handful of couples and singles that are dishonest and will go to extreme measures to get what they want. Hopefully you will not bump into dishonest people, but we will provide you with some of the warning signs to look out for and some recommended precautions that are extremely helpful.
The majority of information on this web site are personal opinions and are not to be taken as defacto in every situation. The opinions expressed are based on our twenty plus years of experience in the Swinging Lifestyle in Europe and North America. If this information has been helpful, please let us know. If you have questions or suggestions for this page, please email us and we will do our best to include your helpful tips to other singles.
Question: How can I join your club or other swinger clubs? I am a single male and want to attend your club. I enjoy sex a lot and consider myself open-minded and a player.
Answer: We are a COUPLES CLUB and do not permit singles to attend. There are many singles clubs and singles bars available for you to choose from. You must find a partner that is open to the swinging lifestyle to join you at most swingers clubs in North America. We recommend you advertise for a female partner that enjoys sex as much as you and would be interested in exploring the swinging lifestyle together. You must be honest in your ad. There are a number of couples that are very active in the swinging lifestyle and for one reason or another such as a death, divorce, break-up etc. this person or couple are looking for a new partner. You might be very surprised how many single females are looking for the same thing you are. It is also very difficult to prove you are single and not a married male looking for sex outside of marriage. Typically two singles (male & female) that come to our club as a couple are screened in the same manner as all couples are. Many women in the swinging lifestyle are also bi, this is a great HINT if you are searching out for a compatible partner for the swinging lifestyle.
Single males that do apply for membership are put on a list of males looking for a single female partner. It is much quicker for you to do your own advertising for a partner. On some occasions we have couples requesting a gang bang for the lady. It takes more planning than people think. Having a list of interested males is helpful for this fantasy to be fulfilled.
Question: How can we join your club or other swinger clubs? We are two single females and want to attend your club. We are bi, enjoy sex a lot and consider ourselves open-minded and players.
Answer: Bi women fit very well into most swinging clubs. We recommend you bring a partner (male or female) that is open to the swinging lifestyle to join you at most swingers clubs in North America. Many couples know of a single bi lady that they have been with for threesomes. Many swinging clubs permit threesomes to attend, especially if the third person is a female. We do our best to partner up single females with a single male but most single females have no problem in finding a willing partner to attend our parties. Two single females attending as a couple would be welcome at many clubs, but two single males attending as a couple would not be. Extra females at swingers parties never cause a problem since many women in swinging are bi. Extra males at swingers parties often cause problems due to not enough females to partner up with and most men in swinging are not bi.
Single women or (two women as a couple) go through the same screening process as all couples. We do our best to partner up single females to keep the balance of couples at our events. Since our club does not permit singles you must be partnered up with someone of the opposite sex.
Question: If I can't join your club without a partner, where can I find a partner who is interested in the swinging lifestyle or just meet with other singles? I am having trouble finding a partner and don't know where to look.
Answer: There are many publications on and off the Internet that you could advertise for a partner matching your likes and dislikes in the swinging lifestyle. Ottawa has a singles line at (613)-237-8281 where you could search or advertise for that special someone. The singles ads are printed in THE OTTAWA XPRESS or you can visit them online at www.theottawaxpress.ca . There is also the Kanata Singles Club 230-7224. Another club called The Single Option 596-6533.
You can also advertise in "Le Magazine" (Canada's premier contact magazine for COUPLES and SINGLES). The magazine is published monthly and costs $ 10.00 Canadian. The address is Le Magazine, #79 9944 33 Avenue, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, T6N 1E8. Let them know you saw this ad on the 4PLAY web site.
Singles and Swinging
The subject of swinging and singles is somewhat controversial. For many couples in the lifestyle, singles simply have no place in swinging, as they see it is an activity for couples. Most parties, dances, and other lifestyle events will not admit single men (although many will admit single women).
There are several reasons why single men are looked down on. Often, they do not know how to behave themselves. They come in with an attitude that swinging is really cool because they don't have to put out any effort to score. The women will just throw themselves at them, and they can get some easy no effort sex, something they can not get normally. Many women feel that if a man can't even get one woman, he does not belong in a swing situation with the possibility of having sex with many women. The key here is the attitude of the male. Swinging is not about free and easy sex for men too lazy to make any serious effort. The few single men in the lifestyle typically have to work even harder than couples.
The biggest problem with single men at parties and especially on-premise parties is a simple numbers game. The more single men you have, the fewer available women there will be. Since most women in the lifestyle are bi, single women are welcomed since women can go off in threesomes or in other combinations where everyone is sexually involved. If there are a couple of extra women left by themselves they can always go off together. Since bisexuality is not all that acceptable for men, if there are a couple of men left over after everyone is paired off, they are not going off together for sex.
To most of us in the "lifestyle", swinging is not only physical, but philosophical. Swinging is sharing. Sharing is two-sided and single guys tend to be takers and not givers. We know that's a generalization, but from past experience here are some problems we have seen. Single guys seem to be self-centered (IE, What's in it for me?). They tend to be rushed (IE. Hi. Let's fuck.) There is a real problem with single males becoming too attached and clingy (IE. Falling in love with the lady). Single guys are viewed as being a greater health risk. Now all that is not to say that a single males can't be successful finding couples. It happens all the time, but you must realize that swinging is still a couples game.
We think there is a place for singles in the lifestyle. We all need sex, and sometimes we just have not found the right person yet. Parties and other events are a different issue. Almost all of them do not allow single men. The few that do cater to women who really like to go off with several guys and participate in a gang bang.
We know some singles who have been successful in the lifestyle. If you are a male and constantly strike out with single women, your chances of success in the lifestyle are almost nil. If you have great relationships with women but want something to fill in between relationships, it is possible to get involved with the lifestyle. Not easy, but definitely possible.
Many men have asked to join our club and for one reason or another they can't find a female partner or are in reality married and looking for sex outside of marriage. One of the main concerns about swingers is getting together with other couples that are secure in their relationship. It becomes very difficult for any club that admits a single man to find out he is in fact married. You could just imagine the problems clubs can get themselves into if a spouse found out her partner was having sex with other females outside of their marriage. Some single men will resort to hiring prostitutes in order to attend swinging events. We have a number of ways of screening members to avoid this problem. It does not happen often, but we have seen it at other clubs over the years