Approaching New People|
Different approaches are recommended at different types of clubs. If you are new and attending an entry level lifestyle club, the variety of couples and mixture of different levels of lifestyle play between couples is too large to list here. How you approach a single or couple or how people match up with new playmates is quite different between different clubs.
We will give some hints and tips in this section that will help you understand how people typically match up at different types of lifestyle clubs. Most new couples to the swinging lifestyle have many preconceived ideas about swing clubs and think that these clubs are all orgy houses. Nothing could be further from the truth. Everything in swinging is consentual. You may or may not find a matching partner or couple, but no one is permitted to just take liberties with you or your partner.
Choosing a couple at an Entry Level Club
Most entry level clubs are erotic and sensual in nature, not totally sexual. Many couples attending entry level clubs are visiting for many different reasons, such as flirting, exhibitionism, voyeurism, checking a new club out, spicing up a marriage and many more. Not every couple wants to find a sexual playmate.
If you are lucky or ask the owners of the club, your first couple will be introduced to you when you go to an entry level club for the first time. Let the club owners know what type of couple you are looking for. If you are both interested in swinging, exhibitionism or just meeting new couples, don't hesitate to be specific in your request. In most cases new couples will want to watch other couples in action prior to approaching them in a club atmosphere. Most swingers are very outgoing people and many of them will not be shy to introduce themselves to you.
If you spot a couple that you find attractive. Ask your partner if they find the same couple attractive. If the feeling is mutual, both of you should go together and tell the couple your first names and that you are new to the club and were hoping that we could join you and help answer some of our questions.
Be sure and let the new couple you are meeting with, know what your interests are in the lifestyle. If you have no interest in just socializing and want a sexual encounter with other sexually open couples, it is important you meet with other couples with this same interest.
We have seen time and time again, many couples frustrated with a group of couples they are with and no action going on. One couple finally asked us why no other couples were approaching the group of couples they were with. We explained that the group they were sitting with were all soft swingers and primarily interested in socializing. The other tables around them were all active swingers whose interest was all sexual and not social. The new couple were looking for sexually active couples and were not aware that so many different types of couples play in the lifestyle.
What If The Couple Does Not Want Us?
Every person or couple is different. This is what makes swinging so exciting and enjoyable. If everyone was the same, life would be quite boring. People come in every shape, size, colour, religion and different levels of sexual play. It is very flattering when someone wants to play with you, but if you are not interested or nervous, be polite in saying "thank you for asking, but not right now".
If you are turned down (AND YOU WILL BE - IT HAPPENS TO EVERY COUPLE) don't take the rejection personally! Be polite and move on to the next couple. Remember, if you were turned down, it is their loss not yours. We have never met a couple that could not find matching couples in the lifestyle. The key is to be outgoing , (look and smell clean) and a warm smile and friendly tone will get you many introductions. Many couples might say no the first night you meet, especially if they are new themselves or very nervous. It is amazing how many couples you thought had no interest in you, will get together with you in the future, (SO NEVER BURN ANY BRIDGES ALONG THE WAY!)
Never give or ask a reason for rejection. This is considered very inappropriate in swinging and will usually hurt someone's feelings. If you were interested in someone or a couple and they reject you, be sure not to lay down the "NEVER TALK TO US AGAIN SIGN". Many individuals or couples that turned us down over the years, did in fact get together with us sexually within six months or a year. Every person or couple goes at their own pace and every "NO" does not mean forever.
What If We Only Want a Threesome?
Threesomes are very hard to plan or arrange if you are entering the lifestyle for the first time. How would you feel on your first visit to an adult club and a couple approached you and told you they only want to play with the female partner and not have you involved? Threesomes are very hard to ask for at Off Premise clubs and especially if it is your first time at a club. You need to get to know many couples first. Sometimes couples will resort to telling lies to get the threesome they want. Please don't do this! This is called playing head games and couples will not appreciate being lied too.
At most Off Premise clubs couples will be attempting to match up with other couples. You will find out that it is very hard to find four people that like each other, especially sexually. In many cases you may fall head over heals for one of the new partners and can't stand the other partner they are with.
Threesomes are much easier to arrange and plan at On Premise clubs or with other couples that you are very comfortable and familiar with. Once you get to know more couples, you will become friends with many of them and private parties will yield many threesome opportunities. Most couples at On Premise clubs match up with a willing and sexually attractive partners, but not necessarily from a matching couple. Couples tend to mix with many different partners over the course of an evening and in time you will both find new partners that are actually a couple together. Threesomes, foursomes and more are very common at On Premise clubs.
Are All Couples In Some Kind Of Meat Market?
To some degree, this is true! Couples are gathering in an erotic atmosphere to experiment, meet and play with other consenting adults. When couples truly reach this level of confidence and security with each other, it is amazing what levels of play both of you will be willing to see your partner get involved with. When you enter a new club for the first time and other couples are looking you over, take it as a compliment, both of you will have lots to offer and at the same time you should be checking out the couples in the club. In time you will hear the comment when new couples come through the door, "OOOH, FRESH MEAT, LETS ASSIMILATE THEM!".
98% of all the couples you meet are very friendly, polite and will make you feel very welcome when you attend an adult club for the first time. Every couple feels nervous and excited when attending any new club. Most couples will feel very comfortable within 5 minutes and quickly realize that everyone around them are quite normal. You will be meeting doctors, lawyers, secretaries, computer programmers, nurses, firemen, government workers and many many more well established couples. Most lifestyle couples are married, with children, middle to upper income, well educated, well groomed and have a very stable and secure relationship with their partner. They are all looking for the same thing you are, to meet other sexually open couples to experiment with.
There is that 2% of ignorant couples or individuals to deal with as well. Trust your first impressions! Your natural instincts are usually right. Hopefully you will learn a few tips on how to deal with or avoid these people.
Those are beautiful breasts! Do you mind if I play with them?
(typical comments you will hear from other swingers)
Most swingers are very open about their sexuality.
Matching with a partner at an On-Premise Club
On-Premise clubs are quite different than Off-Premise clubs or entry level clubs. Some On-Premise clubs are more social and others are more sexual oriented. It is very important that you choose a club that has what you are looking for. The 4Play Club is primarily made up of couples looking for sexual play. There is some socializing, but all the club members have come out to play sexually with a matching playmate.
At most entry level clubs, couples typically try to match up with other couples. The same is not true for most On-Premise clubs. It is very hard in life to find two people that match as a couple, try and find four people that match sexually. Since most couples at an on-premise club are very sexual and outgoing, each person will typically try to match with a compatible playmate. On-Premise clubs are not orgy houses. It is always important in swinging that you match with a sexually appealing playmate.
Most of our couples will socialize for thirty to forty minutes getting to know all the new couples that have come out to play. Most matches between new people is done in a very subtle way. You will not hear a swinger ask if you want to go fuck. It is important to find out who is new or what people have done or experienced in the lifestyle recently.
If you are sexually attracted to a person or someone is attracted to you, most approaches are very warm and sexual in tone. Someone may compliment you on your gorgeous outfit and caress you. Others may rub your sexy nylons and tell you how great your legs look. Yes!, swingers want the foreplay before a sexual encounter. We have heard people ask "May I touch those beautiful breasts you have?" or "Do you mind if I kiss those horny nipples of yours?" or "You sure look hot in that outfit." or "I have never made love to a tall man before" or "God, you have a nice tight butt". Or you might even hear "Does your wife like photography? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!".
You will see some couples who know each other very well, say hello in a more intimate way. This can be your opportunity to ask "Would you say hello to me next? or Could you please introduce your friend to me?". Many swingers are not shy to say hello in a more personal way. One new member lady told us that she was very shy. Doug sat behind her on the couch back and she turned around, pulled Doug's hard cock out of his G-string and gave him a blow job in front of everyone. She was definitely a very shy lady!
Most couples do not try to match with other couples at our club. It is more important that you find a sexual playmate that you are each attracted to. Over the course of the evening you will meet and play with a few or several new playmates. You will discover that some of your new playmates are in fact couples. If you don't find anyone that is sexually appealing for you, don't forget to play with your own partner. Having sex with your own partner in a group environment and watching other horny couples around you is a very rewarding and erotic experience.
More experienced couples know that new couples are nervous and they will normally help introductions and make new couples feel at home. Normally the more outgoing swingers will get things started by flirting or helping introduce themselves or other members to new members. It does not take long in a sexually charged atmosphere to see couples play and mingle quickly at an on-premise party. Many actions happen very naturally at a party, don't try to pre plan anything before a party, just come out and enjoy the evening with your partner. Swinging should be fun, not frustrating or scary.
When you have found a new playmate that is sexually attracted to you and you have passed the few minutes of foreplay, teasing or undressing each other, most people will ask you to go play somewhere more comfortable in one of the play rooms. Remember that you can say NO at any time, but if the feeling is mutual, you know that this new playmate is at the party for sexual play, not falling in love.
If you are attending a club or party with your partner for the first time, make sure you both find a matching partner and go play as a foursome in the same room. One of the biggest enjoyments in swinging is seeing your partner having fun with a new playmate.