There are many important choices you MUST make in the swinging lifestyle. We thought it would be very helpful for new couples to preview what these important choices are. This is not a complete list, but we do address the most important choices you will be facing together.
Lifestyle choices are personal and every couple will make different choices that make them feel comfortable. It is extremely important that both of you set ground rules BEFORE playing in the swinging lifestyle. Most, if not all couples make changes to their choices as they feel more comfortable in the lifestyle. Don't be afraid to make changes to your ground rules, but when both of you feel comfortable and both of you aggree to change a rule.
Do we place an ad or not?
We do not recommend that you place any ads on the internet, magazines, telepersonals etc. This is not the safest or most successful method of meeting active swing couples in the lifestyle. Most couples do not advertise anywhere, they meet through adult lifestyle clubs, conventions etc. and then correspond with new playmates using the internet, chat rooms, telephone, private parties etc.
If you do decide to advertise or place an ad on the internet, or even on our forum, ensure you take lots of precautions to protect yourselves. We do have recommendations and safety guidelines that are very important to read on this forum.
What type of adult club is right for us?
Only you and your partner can answer this question, but it is very important that you choose a club that BOTH of you will feel comfortable in attending. Do your homework and read up on all the adult lifestyle clubs in your area or within a few hours drive. There can be huge differences between several clubs.
Every experienced lifestyle couple is different and every new couple entering the swinging lifestyle is different. Age, life experiences, sexual experiences, maturity, playfulness, willingness to experiment, sexual drive and many more are different for every person. Some young couples for their first time out to a lifestyle club would fit perfectly in an on-premise club and a similar couple of the same age would be terrified. The same holds true for an older couple. A healthy attitude towards sex and openness to your sexuality are extremely important in choosing your first club. Everyone is nervous, so choose a club that excites both of you and are both willing to play in that environment.
What level of sexual play are we willing to go?
Both of you need to choose a comfort level in sexual play and discuss it with each other. You must both agree on the level you have chosen. Some couples only want to go to an adult club and show off their body parts. Others are only interested in the erotic dancing and touching. Many couples are looking for a sexual playmate, but no intercourse. Others are looking for the full meal deal, everything including intercourse. Never second guess or assume that your partner wants to do something that you are all ready for. Discuss it in detail and make a firm agreement. You can always agree to change your levels of sexual play at a later date. Always go at the pace of the slowest partner!
Most new couples will only play with their own partner on their first visit to a lifestyle club. This gives them a chance to feel more comfortable in the new environment and get a good feeling on the other members that attend the club. Most new couples need one or even two visits to a club before they feel very comfortable in experimenting with different partners. It is very important to take your time and ensure both of you are comfortable and ready to experiment at different levels of sexual play. Some couples are ready to jump right in, but most couples require an adustment period. Do not let any person make you feel like you have to play.
People will ask you to dance or play, which is a very nice compliment on your first night out, but just be polite and play at your comfort level. Never feel like you are dissapointing someone by saying NO or NO Thank you. Experienced couples will understand that you are new, but experienced couples will never know your comfort level if they do not ask you. Lifestyle couples are very open people, so just be honest and up front.
What are you willing to let your partner do?
Many couples pick a level of play such as soft swinging (all sexual play with NO intercourse). What if you see your partner with and person twice your age or twice as heavy or much taller or darker skinned than you. Many couples forget that personal choice can mean many different things.
All people are different in size, shape, colour, religion, sexual drive to name a few. If you gave permission for your partner to play sexually with another person such as oral sex, would seeing your partner with someone three times your age turn you off?
Variety is the spice of the swinging lifestyle. Don't be shy to try a person taller, smaller, younger, older, bisexual, different colour etc. What is very important that both of you allow your partner to choose a new playmate that is sexually appealing in what ever way turns your partner on. If you have a specific dislike for someone younger, older, larger, darker, say so before you play. Don't restrict your new partners to a ridged criteria of finding a perfect 10! You need to remind yourself that new partners are temporary, so enjoy the moment, you are not looking for a lifetime partner, just a playmate to experiment with at the moment.
Do we lie or tell the truth to get what we want?
You might think that this is a silly question, but some couples do in fact lie to other couples to get what they want from the lifestyle. We highly recommend that you tell the truth! When you lie or mislead people, it does not take too long before you are caught in a lie and other couples will spread the word about your mode of opperation.
Be honest and up front with couples and let them know specifically what both of you are looking for in the lifestyle. There are many people that will be helpful to an honest couple. Many couples want to try a BI female experience first and normally have found through writing ads, that it is very hard to turn into reality. So many couples try to find a bisexual female with little success, turn to the swinging lifestyle and lie to other couples knowing they only want the female partner. With a little research about the lifestyle and adult clubs, these requests are very easy to fulfill. The swinging lifestyle if full of bisexual females, but they normally come with a male partner. Many couples do play separate or play in mixed numbers at lifestyle clubs, so there are many opportunities to play with a bisexual lady without lying to couples.
What level of protection will we adopt?
Some couples forget that sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted by oral sex, kissing, towels, hands, hot tubs, sex toys and many more. Many couples are not aware that many STD's can be contracted, just by sharing a hot tub with other sexually active people.
STD's in the swing community are rare, but there is always a risk, so it is vital that you discuss where both of you are willing to draw the line. You could walk out your door tomorrow and be run over by a car, so it is important not to get paranoid with the issue. Many couples feel that condoms are the only answer to safe sex, but are surprised to find out that some condoms can cause STD's. Many women are sensitive to different latex or lubricants and these irritations can lead to rashes that are considered part of the STD family. 98% of all STD's are cureable, provided you seek treatment for anything that is out of place.
It is important that you practice COMMON SENSE! If anything smells bad or feels bad, stay away from it. If a hot tub does not look clean or has foam around the top, stay away from it. Use fresh towels to clean up with. Only use brand new toys with new partners. If you prefer no condoms, get to know the couple or get a good indication from others and your intuition! Our bodies have a great ability to provide us with a sixth sense or gut feeling about people. Trust your first impressions.
Do we use our real names or make some up?
We highly recommend that you use your real first names, unless you are highly visible through your name and could cause harm to your family income. If you only provide your first names with no other related data, both of you and the people around you will feel more comfortable. We have several couples with the same names in our clubs.
If you tell couples that Bill & Hana and you live in a very remote community, some couples you do not like could travel to your little village or community and asks for Bill & Hanna, the entire village will probably direct them to your house. Every couple must determine if they have unique names or if giving your names out could cause you any harm. Some couples who are extremely well known or have a sensitive profession, will rarely play in the same city or region that they live for fear of their clients, neighbors or co workers not understanding their lifestyle could lose their job or hurt their business if the word got out.
99% of all swingers respect personal privacy in the lifestyle community. We know some couples that have several false names, primarily because they have caused numerous problems with other couples and the word gets out to stay away from Bill & Hanna, so they change names again and again. We estimate that 98-99% of all couples in the swinging lifestyle use their real first names when meeting new people.
What fantasies do you want filled?
It is very important and fun to discuss your fantasies with each other. A large part of the swinging lifestyle is to ad some fun to your already great relationship. Seeing your partner have a fantasy fulfilled is worth all the tea in England! All too often, we forget that life is really short. Enjoy the lifestyle and have fun with it.
Some people are not comfortable talking dirty to their partner or wearing lingerie or performing oral sex or having anal sex. Since these things are the favorites of others, the lifestyle gives both of you the opportunity to enjoy your erotic favorite turn on with new partners. Sharing these experiences with or beside your partner can be very stimulating and rewarding for many years down the road.
Should we play together or separate?
We highly recommend that new couples play in the same room with their new partners. Some couples are very comfortable to play in different rooms right from day one, but half the fun of the swinging experience is also watching your partner have a great time with a new sexual playmate. Playing together in the same room also provides the opportunities to engage in threesomes and foursomes. As you both progress in the swinging lifestyle, you will find added fun playing in separate rooms and hearing or telling the stories of your adventures after the party.
A number of lifestyle couples will meet other couples that they match very well with and will actually exchange partners for a night, weekend, vacation etc. You need to feel very comfortable with your partner and new playmates before playing at this level.