What's Normal For Beginners|
What's Normal For Beginners Like Us
When first starting out in the lifestyle, you will hear this phrase many times from experienced couples. "Don't worry, it's normal to feel that way." So before you ask those questions to other couples, we have provided a number of topics that are very common and Normal to experience or see in the lifestyle.
We thought that this section might give you a heads up on all those things that are NORMAL to feel and actions and reactions that are NORMAL to do. Many couples will feel jealous when seeing their partner playing with a new partner and wondering if it is normal to feel that way. VERY NORMAL, especially your first time out.
Bringing Up The Subject Of Swinging
Normally the male partner will bring up the subject of swinging and normally after a few years of marriage or living together with a partner. Normally the reaction is "Are you fuckin crazy?", "Don't you love me?", "Am I not good enough?", etc.
Most couples progress into the swinging lifestyle in small steps. Fantasies are talked about and heighten the sexual relationship between partners. Normally most couples will discuss taking their fantasies to reality over many months or even years!
It is normal to feel very scared about getting into or just jumping into the lifestyle. We recommend that couples progress slowly and go at the pace of the slowest partner.
Attending Your First Club Party or Dance
Normally the male partner is very eager to jump in and plant his seed. You will see this many times with couples whose marriage and communication skills are very weak. Expectations are normally set too high for both partners and their first experience at a dance club or party can be a big let down for one or both partners.
Normally most couples have not done enough research into the swinging lifestyle. If you have never attended a swing club or event and this is the first time both of you have been thinking about it and reading this information, you will be happy to know that you are leagues ahead of the many couples who do no research at all.
Normally first time couples have many different feelings good and bad during their first lifestyle experience. Always attend your first event with the expectation of having a good time with YOUR OWN PARTNER!
How Far Are You Willing To Go?
Normally most couples will attend their first lifestyle club or event without even discussing the limits of play. In most cases the male partner will suggest, lets just go see what happens so we can check the club out. This is a very big mistake!! Normally the male is all excited about attending and seeing what he can get his hands on while the female partner is scared to death.
What surprises most couples, is the opposite is almost true when reality takes hold at the club or party. The male partner usually has a hard time finding a new female partner to dance with, while the female takes to the lifestyle waters much quicker than the males do. We have seen this happen more times than we can remember or count. Normally the male partner will get upset that his female partner is having a much better time than he is having. The male partner will normally sit at his table getting upset and drinking too much.
Most ladies are so surprised how exciting and stimulating the new experiences are making her feel. Most men introduce the ladies to the lifestyle, but it is normally the ladies that keep their male partners in the lifestyle!
It is VERY IMPORTANT to discuss all the ground rules and what limits or levels of play both of you are willing to go. You will both regret it if you don't!
It is Normal To Be Nervous
Many new couples to the lifestyle are very nervous of making the first step to visit an adult club fearing their functions are attended by large numbers of gawkers, exhibitionists, voyeurs and sex is being performed in ever corner. All clubs are very sensitive to making new couples feel at home and go to great lengths to provide a discreet and safe environment. Before attending a new adult club, be sure and address any fears or questions you may have about their functions. You will be pleasantly surprised that you were not the first couple to ask the same question or had similar fears.
Club owners and couples in the lifestyle want you to join them and this could be one of the most exciting adventures you and your partner take together. Many club owners will talk or meet with you privately to discuss the lifestyle, or your fears or show you their club. Many clubs offer orientation nights for new couples as well. Always go at the pace of the slowest partner!
I Want Social First & He Wants Sex
Some couples will want to get to know their new partners or couples first before engaging in sex. This is normal for many couples and is a big turn on for them to know the couples first. For many other couples, the opposite is true. The big turn on is meeting a complete stranger and having hot unlimited sex before getting social.
It is normal for some couples to not want the social aspect of swinging at all. For others, the social aspect is mandatory to make them feel comfortable. Take the time to discuss what turns you both on!
We have met total strangers at On Premise clubs, had hot steamy sex for three hours before learning their names. This is a very big turn on for us as a couple, but for many others this would be totally opposite to their approach.
Both approaches to swinging are normal, so don't feel out of place if you meet a couple with opposite views on this subject. In life, it is much easier to make your lovers into friends than your friends into lovers. In the swinging lifestyle, both situations can be true. It is very important that both of you play at the same level, if you have different views on this subject, you will not enjoy your swinging experiences together.
I Have Trouble Keeping An Erection
It is very common for many men to have trouble getting or maintaining an erection on their first few visits to an adult club or first few private parties with other couples or groups. There is nothing wrong, just many new visual sensations that are new and can effect many men. Men are very visual in their sexuality and the swinging lifestyle brings so many new exciting real life images directly in front of you, that even a minor noise or distraction can kill the moment for some men or women.
Many women who play with new men for the first time, can get a false sense of doing something wrong themselves when a man is not able to get or maintain an erection. It can be very frustrating for new ladies if they have just played with three new men at a club and all of them have troubles getting an erection. It can really make the ladies wonder if they are doing something wrong or feel they are not attracting the opposite sex.
The good news for everyone is that it is just temporary. Most men have no problem getting and maintaining an erection after they gain confidence in group settings. There are only a few men that may take a long period of time to feel comfortable with a new partner or in group environments.
Remember to be understanding with new couples. There are many new feelings and new visual stimuli that can be overwhelming to new couples and everyone reacts in different ways. As a reminder, too much alcohol will also kill the ablility to get or maintain an erection.